The rain is falling on my window pane

I love it when I wake up or go back home after a long day to see google-talk messages from them.

Updates on college admissions, interview feed backs, asking or sharing opinion on a current projects, job issues, job search, hair cut queries, holiday plans, cereal talks, updates on boy issues, promises of weekend skype calls that never usually happen (bub tops this list) or just a "hey..long time...hope everything is fine".

Just want to let you guys know, it makes a bigger difference than you may think.

:D

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel..

I've never felt so perfectly normal and torn at the same time.

I know of things I honestly wish I did'nt. May be I deserved it.
"Reality check" as people like to call it.

I'm not upset nor am I jumping with joy.

I don't know think what to think.

I'll be doing the most normal fun things when all of a sudden a strange numbness passes over.

I go quiet for 5 min and im back to being happy again.

Most often I feel liberated, which is good.

I feel like i've convinced myself to be more detached and indifferent. It worked.

Didn't know i could control my mind so easily. Never felt the need to do it before.

Im just being forced to be that way if i need to remain sane.

Atleast this time I have an explanation.

And all of these moments..just might find their way into my dreams tonight,

This has been the laziest weekend of my life.

I'm glad i actually had class yesterday..and couldn't help grinning after i got my mid-term marks. Dosent happen to me too often.

Went to the gym with M and been at home since thanks to the "Snow Storm"..grr..

I can actually picture this, in Madras,On a sunday, ill be tired as i woke up. Would go by that big box of amul curd so i feel more alive and sit in megha's room discussing the previous nyte's (speed's) events.Endless number of , "she did tht", "omg", "really's??" later..curse the heat and warden a little bit..biryani lunch with lakshmi.It used to be "chicken" day in hostel. Then go to bhavna's house for "submission work"..discuss the same events..except that she would giggle at everything instead. Zabi would turn up sometimes...do to work..but would go to anoki to meet one of her men...try on make up..the "new looks" of the season as she would call it..watch some TV...apoo would come after having finished half her project and give us tips on the same.. some yummy rajma, paneer and roti for dinner...later...i'd have a bath while she'd sincerely watch laguna beach and Roadies...homeless aish would grace us with her presence..and talk crap for an hour....we'll start work finally..then at about 2 o clock ..go make tea, cold chocolate and pink lemonade ..this is when i would go into the igloo , call it my "power nap" , pass out and submit crap the next day.

 

Reminds me, one such time during our animation submission, my "power nap" happened sooner than i expected it to..and went with unfinished work to college..and presented my 15 sec clip.

Sir: " what is this ma?" 

        Nothing's happening 

Me:(praying he was drunk) look properly sir, it's moving..

It was SO bad ..the objects were really moving thou..just not as much as it was for  the others.

 I actually don't miss home so much..but i wanna go back to madras and just spend a day with B, in her house..sprawling around in her room..talking crap..making big future plans...yummy food..random boat club walks...lots of giggling ..

look how they shine for you..

Life's a bitch.

A million things to constantly worry about.

Lack of cute boys, perpetually broke,nothing ever interesting on tv, mid-terms every other day,unemployed,no sleep,expensive flight tickets,rent,phone bills, grocery bills, so many things to do and so little time.

The beauty of it is how, in spite of all this we do our own little things everyday to make life more meaningful.

It's actually quite fun.

Just an eye-candy can make all the difference.

Beer too.

* grin *

If I Had $1000000 I'd buy your love

I just got back from my anthropology class.

we learnt about how within monkeys and gorillas too,the female looks for one mate she wants to mate with during the mating season and the male looks for females even outside his group, casue the more he finds and mates with..the more attractive he is seen as, and he becomes like the head or leader of the group sooner.

I think men just havent evolved since.

Atleast now there's some explanation.

  

It's just sad that women base their self-worth on what the unevolved species think. 

I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,

It's officially been 2 months since I got to Calgary.

The place is finally growing into me .

I think I've been more educated in the last 2 months than in the last 20 years.

When I first got here, I wanted to go back home the next day.Mailed my dad saying, "i reached but I'm coming back home".

The only reason I couldn't was casue the Airlines conveniently mis-placed my luggage and i didn't get it till like 2 weeks after. I had paid fees my then and would've been thrown out of my house if i tried anything funny.

I still hate the cold, the snow and the "incoming charged" on phone calls, but I've come to terms with the fact that I have absolutely nothing to go back for. Seriously. When i go back home, my brother will be in college(hopefully), i love my parents but living with them is just not an option for me anymore.I love and miss the comfort of home, good food and the lazy nice easy life but I'm just better off by myself. Most my friends are working, so just "hanging out" for a day would require lots of planning.

I feel bad that I wont be there in July when everyone is in Cbe. I feel bad that i wont be there for my MOP convocation and i know I'm going to die looking at the pictures on facebook after.I wish i could be home when my brother gets his marks to when we send him off to college.I don't like looking at Ten-d and speed plans online. It makes me a little numb. I miss V every time i have a doubt with something or need a second opinion and i cant just talk to him anymore.I tag myself in pictures im not there in just to make myself feel better temporarily.

I think the hardest part has been to come from a place, where I would know someone where ever I went to come to a country I know no-one. I miss just walking from college to subway for supposedly "aiesec" work and just lazing there.

I'm stuck in this weird phase, where I haven't completely let go of my past and I have moved on.

Well, at least I'm moving forward.

Calgary was a good decision.

I realised that today.

skimpreadinky-dinky-doo !

February was a pretty decent month.

I like that it has only 28 days. 

Feels Quick.

Could've been better if I didn't have so much free time to think.

Shopping during Reading week was fun.

Left me with just coins in my pocket by the 25th though.

I've gotten so used to being broke and leading a "Budget" life, the day I'm super rich I'll be really clueless. Ill probably be one of those typical south Indians and "Invest" it .

I've always lived off pocket money.Every Sunday till the 8th grade, I used to get 20 bucks. So that I don't scam and take more money, I was given a pass book.I'll receive the money, sign in the second column and pa'll sign in the next column.If we(ash & me) won a game of chess against him, it was 50 bucks and cleaning the car on Sundays was 30 bucks each. I still have some pass books at home. 100 bucks in the 11th and 12th felt so rich.

"Valentine's Day" should  seriously be abandoned.

I get that it's the Birthday of St.Valentine or Whatever but it's so unnecressary.

If your in a relationship..you wonder if you should make a big deal about it or it...you don't want to look stupidly excited nor not do anything at all..and when your single..you can watch Will and Grace all day with your single friends with the stupid * heart * heart * commercials every five min.

It's like that phase, when you want do something on a Saturday nyte because everyone else is.

March is here. 

The snow is melting.

My head aches due to the lack of sleep.

Million assignments to submit.

Mid terms in 2 weeks.

I wish I could decide how many hours each day should have.