I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,

It's officially been 2 months since I got to Calgary.

The place is finally growing into me .

I think I've been more educated in the last 2 months than in the last 20 years.

When I first got here, I wanted to go back home the next day.Mailed my dad saying, "i reached but I'm coming back home".

The only reason I couldn't was casue the Airlines conveniently mis-placed my luggage and i didn't get it till like 2 weeks after. I had paid fees my then and would've been thrown out of my house if i tried anything funny.

I still hate the cold, the snow and the "incoming charged" on phone calls, but I've come to terms with the fact that I have absolutely nothing to go back for. Seriously. When i go back home, my brother will be in college(hopefully), i love my parents but living with them is just not an option for me anymore.I love and miss the comfort of home, good food and the lazy nice easy life but I'm just better off by myself. Most my friends are working, so just "hanging out" for a day would require lots of planning.

I feel bad that I wont be there in July when everyone is in Cbe. I feel bad that i wont be there for my MOP convocation and i know I'm going to die looking at the pictures on facebook after.I wish i could be home when my brother gets his marks to when we send him off to college.I don't like looking at Ten-d and speed plans online. It makes me a little numb. I miss V every time i have a doubt with something or need a second opinion and i cant just talk to him anymore.I tag myself in pictures im not there in just to make myself feel better temporarily.

I think the hardest part has been to come from a place, where I would know someone where ever I went to come to a country I know no-one. I miss just walking from college to subway for supposedly "aiesec" work and just lazing there.

I'm stuck in this weird phase, where I haven't completely let go of my past and I have moved on.

Well, at least I'm moving forward.

Calgary was a good decision.

I realised that today.

skimpreadinky-dinky-doo !

February was a pretty decent month.

I like that it has only 28 days. 

Feels Quick.

Could've been better if I didn't have so much free time to think.

Shopping during Reading week was fun.

Left me with just coins in my pocket by the 25th though.

I've gotten so used to being broke and leading a "Budget" life, the day I'm super rich I'll be really clueless. Ill probably be one of those typical south Indians and "Invest" it .

I've always lived off pocket money.Every Sunday till the 8th grade, I used to get 20 bucks. So that I don't scam and take more money, I was given a pass book.I'll receive the money, sign in the second column and pa'll sign in the next column.If we(ash & me) won a game of chess against him, it was 50 bucks and cleaning the car on Sundays was 30 bucks each. I still have some pass books at home. 100 bucks in the 11th and 12th felt so rich.

"Valentine's Day" should  seriously be abandoned.

I get that it's the Birthday of St.Valentine or Whatever but it's so unnecressary.

If your in a relationship..you wonder if you should make a big deal about it or it...you don't want to look stupidly excited nor not do anything at all..and when your single..you can watch Will and Grace all day with your single friends with the stupid * heart * heart * commercials every five min.

It's like that phase, when you want do something on a Saturday nyte because everyone else is.

March is here. 

The snow is melting.

My head aches due to the lack of sleep.

Million assignments to submit.

Mid terms in 2 weeks.

I wish I could decide how many hours each day should have.

Always a first time

Sentences I never thought i'd ever hear..

* Hey guys, be careful ! Remember your'll are standing on the river !

*You know, my mom spread a rumour about me that.....

*What was the name of the guy I climbed the mountain with ?

*Don't worry, I havent seen my sister naked (from a guy)....

my no-longer kutty brother

This is the last funny moment i remember at home.

I was taking ice-cubes from the freezer and at the same time he was taking ketchup from the fridge and as i slammed to door of the freezer..it just about touched his hair..and i laughed at how short he was.

When pa came home, he'd stand on the couch next to the door to unlock the door.

When I last went home, about 3 months back..I was trying to lift something rather heavy to be moved  downstairs..he came, made me leave it aside and moved it himself..it felt so strange...It had always been me taking care of him, helping and doing things for him.

Suddenly like ten minutes back I get a mail,with pictures of his 12th std farewell..he's much taller than me now(I honestly don't know when that happened)..in a shirt,blazer and tie looking so cute and with his girlfriend.I catch him online a moment later and i ask him "is that your gf?" and his reply is, "ya..it's been six months what kind of a sister are you? everyone here knows.."

I wish i had an answer to that. In being so self-involved, have I missed out on other more important things? I dont know.

 I want to go home.

One..two..three...

I hate walking up stairs.

My house is on the 4th floor.

College was on the 5th floor.

Hostel was on the 3rd floor.

Work was on the 5th floor.

I now stay on the 3rd floor.

Why cant everything just be on one freaking level?

Just got back from class and finding a reason to complain.

The river is wide and the water is deep

My brother is  writing his board exams next week.

Feels like mine got over only yesterday..,when I had a week off for chemistry.. feeling blank the day of the exam...looking at the text which by then was split into six, felt like i was looking at something new...terrible times..unwanted pressure..

There's so much "Build-up" for the 12th exams..that when your in school, it makes you feel like you do this one thing right and your life is set. Your going to be Rich and famous, don't have to study anymore, no more worrying about tests, classes and open house.

They forget to tell you, it's just the beginning of your struggle and it's only going to get harder.

Best of luck ash .

Room Number One-Twenty-One ..

It's strange how two people who have nothing in common end up being big parts of each others lives.

This was how she introduced herself, "Hi.. Im from Cochin, I study in Stella, I was supposed to do engg thou, i go for kathak classes in the evenings, i have a boyfriend and this is my second year here, I was very close to my old roommate so i told myself ill not like the next person who moves in but I don't mind you".

We had no common friends then, no similar interests but still took coupons and decided to go have some hot horlicks downstairs. I never thought a day would come where we would mutually agree on something.

Her idea of fun was going to the Satyam,Landmark, Oxford, Vivs and the Beach and mine was going to gym, 21c, speed, family guy and ten-d. I didn't think a world existed beyond that.

If it were anyone else i would've been ignored or bitched about and we would've just been two people who lived in separate rooms next to each other. But she was different..fun, full of life, active and hyper, self-less, intelligent, caring, level-headed,independent, mature and a good conversationalist.
She could see through people and understand them in minutes. I admired her for that.I still do.

Eventually after hanging out with her..my Wednesday's became fancy dinner nyte's(Rs. 35 Al Najeeb biryani) instead of beer, Fridays became movies instead of the free shooters in speed. At times, we watched a movie and went for a drink after. I introduced her to Whiskey and coke :P

It was a brilliant phase. I became more organised and self-controlled while she became more experimental in doing things and little less scared of Warden. Even if I had the worst day ever...just coming back to hostel for dinner and a conversation with her made my day.

Over a period of time, I became a little dependent and possessive about her. I hated it when she did her internship in ABM cause I felt like her boss was stealing her away from me and when she had to go to her aunts house in porur over the weekend.

Almost a year since we've both moved out and to different countries, I like to say that we are still up to date with each others lives. I even know she went shopping with her aunt yesterday. The more I talk to her to more I admire her for the person she is.

I can never thank her for how single handedly and gradually, she made me realise I had much more potential in me, than I could have ever imagined.

I miss her