Growing up, my ma used to take ash and me to the temple every Thursday. We would buy flowers outside, do exactly what my mom did-keep your hands together, wait till the poojari finished his prayers, put some money or flowers on the plate, take some Vibhudh and walk around the Idol 3 times. We took it really seriously, since mom would be like, "If you pray to this God, you'll be tall and beautiful", if u pray to this God, "you'll get really good marks". The only prayers I knew then and still do are my school prayers. Which is a Sanskrit prayer followed by a Christian prayer. I would say the prayers after which I would just speak to God, exactly like how I would to a friend. Sometimes we would go to the Church, not for the service but just go there, pray, light a candle keep it on a cross and leave. It was the same prayer , same positive feeling.

What I'm trying to say is, thats exactly how much I was taught about religion.My parents weren't particularly religious and I think me being a Hindu named "Mumtaz" says it's own long story. Having grown up around people who kept it to themselves or weren't as religious either, I didn't question it much but just happily attended a lot of Eid lunches, Christmas Dinners and Diwali pooja's.

In the last couple of years, for some reason, I've met people who are super-religious. Which is not a bad thing but just that for some reason I have this pre-notion/expectation that they should be really nice people. Most are. but I get really annoyed when I see that they carry a bible/Koran or any religious book with them 24/7, read it before going to bed or just when they wake up but are extremely mean,selfish and bitchy. Whats the point of all of it. I'm not saying that if someone is not religious or God-fearing you have license to be mean. But if they claim to be "Closer to God", fast whenever required and do their prayers everyday which are usually about forgiveness, love and kindness, I would think they would make an effort atleast even if it's not in thier personality to do so, to be nicer to people. What else is the point of it all ?

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere

I was really excited about g-mails new feature. Previously you could only label your mails..now you can actually put them in different folders like it used to be on hotmail and not have them in your inbox.

 After a super long week of mid-terms finally got down to sorting my mails, created separate folders for friends, family, work stuff ..etc..In the process ended up reading a few mails..chats ., Lakshmi's one line "doubt mails"..asking my dad for more money mails....wedding invites from two of my married classmates...brothers occasional venting on how unfair my parents are to him...Grandma's mails on human relationships and the 'weather in Coimbatore'..AIESEC applications...my million surveys...MOP's alumni mails...endless number of mails from vidyuth..pictures sent (from facebook) with the subject always being .."Have to see".."look how fat her arms are"... 

 All these mails ..previously, I read them..replied and never thought of it five min after..but for some reason today...going through them took much longer...mind wandering...smiled to myself occasionally...felt like an idiot when i read a few...and few just wont get off my mind even 5 hours  and three episodes of 30 Rock later... 

  I hate and love how the past haunts me.

Dancin' when the stars go blue...

It’s funny how sometimes being 5000 miles away from someone can tell and teach you so much more about a person than being right next to them.

“This one’s different” I told myself.

Even though lots of people gave me reasons to believe otherwise, I clung on to the good side which a selected few believed in. I realize now how easily I convince myself and choose to trust people.

There were the good times, bad times and fun times. This past year was very different, I believed we were similar in a lot of ways and thought we made a "good team".

Reality showed up.I know people change and change is the only constant but to such a large extent that it makes you wonder who the real person is, is rather confusing and annoying, especially for an already complicated person like me.

I thought it would kill me, now I’m sitting here wondering how it didn’t.
A warm bath, a little bitching and lots of shopping was all it took.

Life really does work in mysterious ways.

yaamerica ?

My Dad studied and worked in California. He wanted to settle in the U.S...though some family issues brought him back to Coimbatore.He'd always tell me ..run off abroad for college..you'll never want to come back. Life's easier and better there...settle there.
(I still get mails every morning saying the same thing)
I've always wondered...why it is so “voo yaamerica” (or any other country for that matter..this is just the most common one and funner to say )

This is a very common scenario...
"You know she got married to that guy from the US?"
.."Wow"...really...damn good yea...she must be really happy"
"Yea...yea..of course ...(goes without saying no)...”
I have two cousins who studied and are now working in the US..I don’t think anyone in the family knows which University they went to, or where they work..but it's like "wow..they went there to study and now settled there also..so nice.."..,

I have/had travelled quite a bit, within India and abroad and I know it's fascinating ...clean...the big malls..crazy shopping..big brands..wide roads..lovely beaches..museums..zoos..huge night clubs. Left me always wondering if that would be reason or motivation enough to leave where you where brought up from and just start new .
Every time I heard people say..."you know I went to blah blah country ...and it was so wow.."
I’d end up having this huge argument about how they just haven’t travelled to the best places in India and just "simply talk"..Like honestly..I've heard and seen from pictures that places up north like Leh, ladakh, kashmir, Himalayas, Rishikesh are very pretty. I've been to Coorg, Kerala ,Goa.. too many times and have thought they are extremely beautiful, serene and clean.

Im in Calgary, Canada now.I've been here like 4 weeks, slowly beginning to see what people really mean. I've never had life easier. Im not talking in terms of like missing home, family, friends but just convenience.It took me 6 months-one year to learn the bus routes, train routes in Madras .I already know most of them here.Everything is made such that parents with kids in prams and the handicapped can use them as easily as we do. They have special buses and taxies for seniors.In every station/Bus terminal you have such a neat map with I think even the uneducated can use.

The whole University including residence is Wi-fied and help is available from 8am to 8pm to fix anything that happens to your computer for free.I’m not even going to describe the library system. It's really fascinating. Like I just need to type my topic in, like key words and it will tell me which book, floor, author, shelf, row.I have homosexuals in class who are open about it and it's no big deal. (I still tend to gape a little...think in another 2 months I should be cool)
People are so unbelievably friendly, I don’t think I've heard so many "sorry, thank you's and please" in the last 5 years. Every time I've been lost or stuck somewhere and I ask for directions I've had someone come with me till I can at least see the building .(with a smiley face)

Yesterday I went down to do my laundry for the first time.
They have something known as the "smart card”...you shove it into a machine and using your credit card or coins you add value to the smart card.
Then there's a room with 20 odd washers and driers. You put your clothes in & go back in 45 min and it's done. Dry, unwrinkled clothes in your hand.
I swear it felt like magic.

As opposed to, in Rani Meyyamai. We used to take clothes down every week into the laundry room where they'll be 100 odd people with one warden trying to calm everyone down,
She'd give the us, ONE marker, we would write our room numbers somewhere on the tag of t-shirt or kurta, then wait n a queue, there'll be a note book where you write
Room number:
T-shirts : (how many)
Jeans :
Towels :
Total Number:_______

Apart from this, you needed to have your own record of it cause clothes got misplaced very often. Thanks to that all my kurtas either have 93 or 88 on them.
The clothes might take one week or three weeks, you could just pray you didn’t need them.


I can’t help wonder just what one of these students would do if they had to study in a college in India.It's hard to not like it here.
I know I can never settle abroad as such cause there's just too much of India within me.
I feel like im going for a costume party everyday in my boots, mufflers, jacket and gloves.
I’m called "muntes" from "megras"...which is hard and weird to start reacting to initially..."mumu" is catching up though. :)
I like it here but every morning, I wake up wishing I was back in Madras.
I hate the time difference and look at makemytrip often to see what the cheapest price for me to go back to my veedu is.

But it's a good change from anything I've done before and I know it's going to mould me into a better, smarter person and give me more direction and confidence. I’m starting to look at things differently, I want to travel more, see, do new things and meet new people.
I'll have fun-er stories to tell my kids.

And while I'm at that, I definitely not going to categorise people moving/settling abroad as just "small talk" or "they haven’t seen India enough" or whatever you want to call it.

I’m not necessarily saying that convenience and an open society is equal to happiness...but it's definitely a something to start with…

First post *excitement* !

I feel stupid admitting that something like "25 random things about you" on facebook today inspired me to blog...but it's a start nevertheless.

I saw this day coming...for sometime now..one day that i'd be completly alone...by myself...no lakshmi, no vyd,no hamsa, no dan, no ra, no bhav to run back to and whine and laugh with while everything became fine again. I was whining to my dad recently as usual and something he said ..kept playing in my head .."Mumu ..you cant let small things like this affect you so much..you need to learn to become much stronger"..,

-I've always considered myself a fairly strong person, I ve never really been scared to do anything
.-I've met a lot of people esp women, in the recent past who have it all or atleast I thought. Everytime I see them..I'd wish i was like them..they are never attached to anyone,anything or any place , would go out have a blast, a few boyfriends here and there who meant nothing to them.Nothing affected them.Is that being a strong person ?
-Few others, one actully I know who would just never let himself be emotionally attached to anyone ,I've always wondered how and why ?.It is casue he is just strong enough, smart enough or just plain scared ?

Does being strong just mean being unaffected ?
Casue if thats the case, I rather not be..Im not saying I would want to cry about the smallest thing..like the worlds come to an end...somethings you get used to over a period of time that cant affect you the third and fourth time they happen..but I like to feel...both pain and happiness.
It makes me feel more human and alive.
As independent as I am or like to be, being attached to someone or something gives me a reason to wake up every morning. I love it that way and I wouldn't change a thing about it ....